The Death Note of Oz
by OrangeJuicePhoneSex
Summary: What happens when Mello's curiosity gets the better of the three Wammy boys? Magical lands, a death god Yorkie, and Kira in a dress, that's what. Crack/humor with some hints of Mello/Near/Matt.


A DN crackfic (literally), made by Ashlee of the OJPS.

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**Chapter 1: Happy Powder**

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Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock._

The clock chimed twelve o'clock and an even bigger sound filled the hallways of the Wammy House. The evening bells rang, and as if on cue, it was Mello's time to spat out something completely masochistic to his best friend.

"Fuck lunch," He snorted. "Let's go do something else." Roger had always hit him for his bad mouth. But did he care? NO. Wannabe transvestites don't care. 'Course not. He lounged in his bed and looked up at the ceiling. Chocolate covered Near- _I MEAN_, cherries were swirling around in his imagination.

"What are we going to do?" Matt asked plainly, mind still focused on the Gameboy Color in his hands. His fingers moved like lightning over the buttons, as if knowing where to press and when to press it.

Mello made a face and shifted up. There was never anything to do around Wammy's. Usually, the two watched some TV, just hung around, or made fun of the other kids. Nothing unusual for teenage boys. The only special event was when L came- then he suddenly got up. He laced his biker boots on, and as he bent over to do so, Matt was staring at his bum though his orange tinted goggles (he's a fourteen year old boy, what do you expect?). But when Mello turned around, his eyes followed a trail to blue orbs of fury.

"Let's go to Uncle L's room! There's bound to be chocolate there, and Maybe even some porn! Oh, balls… I MEAN, _BWOOBZ_…"

The blonde boy enthusiastically grabbed the redhead's arm and dashed out of the room. They ran down the empty halls, the only sounds coming from their footsteps and the chattering from the lunch room. The hallway to L's room was fairly dim. The two boys stopped in front of a wooden door as Matt began to pick the lock. Mello looked around for supervisors, but didn't expect there to be any. It was a lazy Sunday afternoon, and the employees usually went home at this time. But all of a sudden, he heard a sound of a toilet flushing and a door to their left opened and a bright light shone.

Mello and Matt shielded their eyes from it. It wasn't God of course, but only Near in his usual white paleness. But eventually, the light faded away, along with the angelic chorus.

"I will _never_ eat Jamaican again," Near mumbled to himself. He turned only to notice two boys on the floor writhing with their hands over their faces. He walked over to them as he twisted a lock of hair in his digits, hoping that the smell didn't kill them.

"Ah, my eyes," Mello groaned. He removed his hands as saw the albino boy standing there, fidgeting nervously. "You little white bastard."

He helped Matt up to resume his lock picking. The little white bastard just watched over them and sighed at their stupidity/immaturity.

"What are you two trying to do?"

"We want to see what's in L's room."

"Well good luck with that."

He was amused at their signs of struggle. It was almost payback for all the teasing and taunting they did to him. But then again… It would be nice to see what L's belongings looked like, smelled like, _tasted_ like. Near pushed the other orphans out of the way and moved to the opposite side of the door. His hands brushed each bronze door hinge as if checking for any imperfections on the metal.

"Wrong side, retard." Mello commented.

However, he was proven wrong when Near pushed what seemed to be a nail on the door hinge and the wooden barrier slowly creaked opened. Matt and Mello gaped in amazement at what the younger boy did.

"Ho-how did you know?" Matt squeaked out.

"I see him do that a lot whenever he goes there."

Mello's eyebrow raised in curiosity. There was a reason he was the second smartest in the Wammy House. "Doesn't that mean you stalk him, you little freak?"

Near only replied by glowering at the floor and twirling his hair even faster.

"I knew there had to be a reason you went down these halls!" Matt commented. This only made the albino boy's cheeks turn a shade of red. But he tried to ignore the statement and walked into his idol's room. The air smelled differently, as if the room had a sugar-scented candle lit on some table. It wasn't neat, but it wasn't messy either. A single bed hung off to the right and a huge dresser was on the other side. Nothing more, nothing less.

Soon, they all walked in. Mello and Matt went to the drawers and opened each one while Near climbed onto the bed. He pulled his knee up to his face because, who knows, it smells like sunshine, lollipops, and rainbows. He watched the other two pull random items out of the gigantic piece of furniture. The two sorted though the first drawer until they stopped at something. Mello pulled out a pair of boxers with Raito's face on the ass.

"…"

Matt and Mello gaped in horror.

_Sniffle._

Near wiped away a tear.

They tossed the underwear to the side and continued their search for… Actually, what the hell were they searching for? They went on the second drawer which had about twenty-seven white shirts in it. The third had twelve pairs of jeans. When Mello slid open the fourth, the orphans paled, except for their cheeks which were the color of a ripe tomato.

In it were dozens of pink fuzzy handcuffs, whips, ball gags, and pickle shaped amenities. The boys were shocked. They've heard of things that adults did for fun, but this was pretty gross. Nonetheless, Matt searched through the items using his gloved hands. Mello retreated to the bed, hugging Near while shaking vigorously. Near was trying to hide emotions as usual, coming both from the _toys _in the dresser and Mello's warm body wrapped around him. But failed when his eyes stayed wide the entire time. Their (sort of) innocence was just ripped from them, beaten and stepped on until it went into a coma and died of internal bleeding.

"Hey, what's this?"

Mello and Near practically catapulted off the bed and ran beside Matt. The redhead was holding a Ziploc bag filled with a strange powdery substance. On the bag was a label with the words _L's Happy Powder _written in neat script. Matt and Mello looked at it in confusion, but Near had a WTFudge™ expression on his face.

"Maybe it's sugar?" Mello suggested.

"Or the white stuff for powdered donuts?" His partner in crime added.

"…" The pale one said. Near was still in shock and stayed silent as the two boys exchanged ideas to what the stuff could be.

"Baby powder?"

How could their idol do this? Is that what he used when sugar didn't give enough of a hype? Was this what made him amazingly brilliant?

"Some kind of spice for cooking?"

Did anyone else know about this? It didn't seem like L hid the bag too well. Anyone could've found it. Hell, three nosy little teenagers found it!

"OHMYGODIKNOWWHATTHISSTUFFIS!" Matt suddenly hollered. The other two fell back at the immediate outburst, but Mello kept his ears open for the answer. But the game freak bounced in place with the Ziploc held tightly in his hand.

"Huh?! 'The hell is it?!" Mello grabbed Matt's striped shirt and shook it, but he was still shaking with excitement. Near was still behind them, all expression gone from his face but his hands were spinning his hair frantically.

"I've..."

_"WHAT?!"_

"It's… It's…_UNFGH_!"

His answer was cut off when the blond bitch-slapped him across the face and caused his body to slam against the carpet floor. Nonetheless, his excitement did not fade as he stood back up. However, he was a lot calmer than before, but he looked down at his fellow orphans and smiled.

"I've seen it before in movies. I think it's called coke-ane or crack or something."

"Cool! Is it food or what?"

"No, no. Adults put it up their nose to feel good. Apparently, doing that makes you feel better about yourself..." Matt paused and looked down at his body for a second. His eyes shot right back up to stare at Mello's and Near's. "I'm kind of feeling like crap right now."

Of course, Matt knew that they felt the same. It wasn't exactly all smiles in an orphanage, and nothing new or exciting ever pops up like this. Whenever they tried to find new activities to do, they were usually against Roger's strict rules. It felt as if Roger did not want any of the kids to enjoy their spare time. Classes were hard enough, even though they were geniuses. So if this powder made adults of all sorts happy, what could it do to children? Near did not want any part of this. But knowing Matt and Mello, once he was involved in their shenanigans, there was no way out. He mentally cursed his mind for wanting to know more about his beloved, because now he knew _way_ more than he originally planned.

All of a sudden, Mello grabbed Near by his stomach, locking him in his arms. This surprised the albino and he started to squirm under the older boy's grasp. He was about to protest until he felt fingers circle his groin. Instead, a squeak came out of his mouth when the fingers gripped tighter.

"Your going to be the first to try. Or Near Junior gets it." Mello threatened. He looked at Matt and commanded, "Come on, Put it to his nose."

His voice was dangerous as he said so. Anyone who knew the blonde knows that when he starts grabbing someone's balls to get his way, he was _serious_. _Anyone_ who defied him would be punched in the face without a second thought. Anyone but his best friend, who was holding the bag hesitantly and looking at Mello with pleading eyes.

"But Mel, Near-"

"AGHHH!" Rough digits encircled Near's boys tightly as he felt a surge of pain rush through his body. He groaned and squirmed under Mello's grasped with closed eyes. This time, Matt had a look of pity on his face as he cringed at the pale boy's actions. To avoid further pain of the youngest orphan, he opened the bag and took the powder into his gloved fingers. It looked to be about half a teaspoon as he put some into his palm and held it towards Near's face.

Mello did not free the albino, but his hands were not gripping _valuable_ organs any longer. Near breathed a sigh of relief as he opened his eyes. But his ease was killed instantly when he saw the drug pushed towards his face by Matt's unwilling hand. The redhead looked pleadingly at his eyes and the expression in his green orbs were none other than apology. But the albino's held no emotion.

Near tipped his face forward and took one big snort of the crack. He felt the powder run up his nose and deep into his sinuses. More than that, he felt pain but the hurt was clouded by a strange emotion. One that couldn't be named by innocent minds.

"How's it feel?" Mello asked. The boy in his hands was starting to lean as he fell towards the blonde in drowsiness. Mello felt uneasy about the close contact, even though Near is an adorable little fluffball.

And the said person couldn't describe his state of mind by anything else but, "Good."

The leather-clad boy stood up immediately from hearing this, leaving Near to fall to the rugged floor from lack of support. His hands tore the bag from Matt's gloved ones. He took some of the substance into the palm of his hand, his face already tipping to get closer to the powder. With one quick snort, Mello grimaced, and the cocaine was gone. Matt stared in horror at his best friend, whose blue eyes rolled back in pleasure as he fell to the floor. His body hit the carpet but did not faze him. His gaze was fixed on the bed on front of him.

While the two were having mind-orgasms, the redhead was panicking about the situation. He bounced up and down with his hands grabbing his hair, goggles askew.

"Oh crud, crud, crud! What do I do? Me- Ne- Near... _CRUD!_" He thought of all the possible things that could go wrong and didn't go wrong yet. His life would be screwed if Roger walked in and saw number one on the floor with number two laying right next to him with Matt standing over them holding drugs. Or worse... What if L walked in? Just thinking of the consequences made him want to sponteneously piss himself.

Wait a minutes, Mello and Near said that the powder made them feel nice. And they looked to be enjoying it rather twitchingly on the floor. What if a little bit of drugs could calm Matt down? Slowly, the gamer opened the bag and looked waringly at the crack.

"Uhm, hold on guys! Wait for me!"

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My first fic. Review please, criticism is encouraged. The next chapter will be up within a week, I hope.  
Thanks for reading, lovelies!


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